The War of the Roses
January 28, 2024
“And Mary Queen of Scots probably only had sex with the Dauphin of France once or never because he had an undescended testicle,” I informed James at midnight last night after watching Mary, Queen of Scots in what has become my latest obsessive special interest: The War of the Roses. I started with The White Queen and moved on to The Spanish Princess then got 20 minutes into The Tudors before shutting it off because it’s terrible but then I found Becoming Elizabeth and devoured it and became distraught that the plans were scrapped for following seasons focussing on Lady Jane Grey and Mary I.
I not only watch these shows, but I pause constantly to google everybody to better understand who they were, who their parents, siblings and children were, their marriages, and how they inevitably were executed by hanging beheading or burned after being accused of treason and locked in the tower. I have to give it up for Lady Margaret Pole. She deserves her own movie. That woman’s blood was bluer than a Curacao cocktail at an all-inclusive Sandals resort and she dutifully served the crown and managed to survive Henry VII and Henry VIII murdering her kin and repeatedly kicking her out of her estates and requisitioning all her jewels before she finally said fuck this noise I’m gonna look out for myself, and she did, that woman had ALL the royal dirt and dispensed with her enemies one by one until she was ultimately most brutally executed and henceforth martyred. Props to you, Lady Pole.
The post-holiday stretch of winter in the Netherlands is not for the faint of heart. Lady Grey, Indeed.
Before the War of the Roses it was the Scottish Jacobites. Before the Jacobites it was Vikings, during which time I became so embroiled in characters like Uhtred of Bebbanburg and Ragnar Lothbrok I lost all sense of reality and turned to James and said “Wow, Vikings really treated women with respect!” and he was like, Uh…
Watching historical fiction and googling did this really happen is the only way I’ve ever “learned” history because I barely learned a thing in school. I’m not ashamed to admit this, so back off haters.
This is how I get through the winters in the Netherlands. I get lost in other realms. Who can blame me? The realm we are currently living in is a disaster. The Doomsday clock is 9 seconds to midnight, the Netherlands has been advised to “prep for surviving the first 36 hours of war with Russia,” and Trump is going to win the Republican primary. This realm sucks at the moment so you’ll forgive me for delving into the past to feret out how history unfolded, and is ever yet repeating itself. I won’t allow it to absolve me from my duties, (my head is still firmly attached to my shoulders and not as it were in the sand, I know what is going on) I am simply taking refuge whilst winter is upon us. We shall live to fight another day, etc. etc.
I’m not done with the War of the Roses yet. Next I’m gonna watch Helena Bonham Carter’s Lady Jane and the Cate Blanchett epic Elizabeth the Golden Age (both of which I watched years ago but I need a refresher). Then I’ll move on to another realm. Let me know if you have any suggestions?
I’ll see you next spring. Have swords at the ready.
It’s snowed a few times this month. It’s so pretty but no fun when you have to take Kitty to the vet on a bike.